not fair

i caught myself with my size 5.5 foot in my mouth last night. after it was brought to my attention i felt like a mans size 12 was in my mouth. i couldn't believe what i was thinking...it just happened.

after dinner was over mom, dad, and i were just chatting. talking about the days events. i then, wanted to update him on Ansley. how she was doing. telling dad that she was home from the hospital now, and only has to return once this week for chemo treatments. then, i sat there thinking for a minute. and i remember thinking it. then it just came out.

"It just doesn't seem fair".
"whats that?" dad asks.
"Ansley. She's only three!"
"well, honey, lifes not fair. you're saying that God doesn't know what he's doing when you say it's not fair. how fair did it seem to me and your mom when you were diagnosed? and you were only 5 months! but look, now you're 23. we had no idea then!" he says.
then mom said "how about the mom who is pregnant with twins at 16 weeks and is delivering tomorrow? she may not even get the three years that Ansleys parents have. but, thats life."

hmm. that is life. whether it be 75 years long. or a few hours. thats how it works. and God is completely in control. whether it seems fair or not. it doesn't matter. thats how it is. Gods plan is perfect. sometimes it doesn't go the way we want it to, or think it should. but He knows what he is doing. trust in Him. keep the faith. we may not understand it. and it may not make sense to us at that time. but everything happens for a reason. and it will all come together in the end. the hard things make us stronger as long as we keep our faith in Him. and give glory to God in the highest.

and we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.
Romans 8:28

i prayed even harder before bed. giving it all to Him. i don't know whats to come. its not for me to know. or understand. but i will keep the faith that thats the way it is supposed to be. as hard as it may be sometimes to comprehend. i have to know that what He is doing is perfect. and have faith that His plans for my day are a lot better than the plans i have for my day. He understands when the human in us asks why? and when we dont understand. and He is our strength when we dont know what to do..or when bad things are happening that we just dont get. He knew before we were made what he had planned for us. whether we were to last 2 hours, or 85 years. however long, or short. what He has planned for us is perfect. this is His plan, His earth. we are His.

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you...
Jeremiah 1:5

i know the plans He has for me are great. i cant wait to see whats in store for me next.

until then,

leigh allyn