my apologies

remember in my post yesterday when i said the words lung transplant weren't that scary? well, i lied. what was i thinking? saying its not scary? to be honest its terrifying. i went to bed last night with a whirlwind of emotions in my head. i prayed a lot. asking God for guidance and peace. asking Him for comfort. this is a huge decision, and i need help knowing what is the right thing to do. i remember back in 2006 when the words lung transplant were first brought up. i cried. scared. terrified. i was as sick as i am today. but i was able to turn things around and they stopped the process. i can do that again this time. but, what if it is time to start the process. thats what i dont know. even if i do turn things around-what if it is the right time to do a transplant? what if. what if. what if. i ask this too much. and i ask God to bring a peace over me so i dont ask 'what if' anymore. it doesn't get me anywhere. it just terrifies me even more. i know God will show me the way. it may take a while, but He will. and i may get impatient. and i will probably worry way too much. but i need to keep reminding myself no matter what, everything happening is in His plan, and everything will be okay. im sure over the next few weeks lots of tears will be shed and i will think about this more than i think about anything. it will probably be on my mind 75% of the day. and every time i think of it im going to need to stop and pray. that is the only way im going to get through this. with Him holding my hand.

Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously,
and He will give you everything you need.
So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring it's own worries.
Today's trouble is enough for today.

Matthew 6:33-34